For a growing number of people, “living well” is being redefined. Instead of filling your life with material goods and splurging on luxury items, to them living well means living a life that you love.

It’s about living your life on your own terms, free from the constraints of having to fit into a predetermined category, career, or lifestyle.

Living well means designing a life that is rewarding, satisfying, and focused on supporting who you are and what you want from this life.

Most people come to this way of thinking after finding themselves surrounded by items that don’t really make them happy. They may have the prettiest house, the best car and the latest designer clothes. But if they’re not happy, then it’s not serving them.

A shift is needed and it begins by living well with what you have. This may mean simplifying. It might mean making major changes. Ultimately, it’s about being happier and creating a life that supports you to be you.

This report is a collection of tips, steps, and ideas to help you start finding your way to a life that serves you – a life that supports you to be happier with who you are and what you have.

The tips are divided into categories to help you organize your thoughts and start in a place that feels right to you. The categories include:

• Asking questions
• Making room
• Setting goals and changing habits
• Moving forward

Asking Questions

The first step to knowing what you want and who you are is to start asking questions and providing honest answers. Consider grabbing a pencil and paper or a journal and writing down the questions and your answers.

What do you like about your life?

Take a look at your life. Explore the things that you do, where you work, and how you spend your time. Take a look at the people in your life and the items that you’re surrounded by. What makes you happy? What do you love about your life? If you had to prioritize three aspects of your life, what would they be?

Answering this question will help you begin to see what’s important to you. You might discover that some of the things that you love most are things that you spend very little time on. For example, you may love to travel but realize that traveling is at the bottom of your current priority list.

What could you do without?

Now take a look at your life and explore the elements of your life that you could do without. These might be people, hobbies, habits, and material items. You may find that you are surrounded by things and people that you really don’t care for.

Answering this question will highlight the aspects of your life that may be getting in the way of spending your time and energy on things you love.

How do you spend your time?

Do you spend your time on activities and people that you find rewarding and fulfilling? Or do you spend your time on activities that make you unhappy? Chances are it’s a little bit of both. Spend a week or so tracking how you spend your time. You might even document how much time you spend on each activity.

Answering this question will help you begin to see how you can make changes to your life so that you’re able to spend more time on things that make you feel happy.

For example, you might find that you spend eight hours a week cleaning your home and you’d much rather spend that time writing a mystery. You can then begin to find ways to make changes to your lifestyle so that you’re supported to write more and clean less.

What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Take a little time to assess your own personal strengths and weaknesses. This information will also support you to begin to make positive change in your life.

For example, you might know that you are disorganized. You can then take steps to find solutions to help you be more organized, assuming that organization supports you to live a happier life.

What does a perfect day look like?

Imagine your perfect day. We’re not talking about a day being fed bonbons on the French Riviera. That sounds like a perfect day for sure, but it’s not the norm. We’re talking about a normal perfect day for you.

For example, a normal perfect day for someone who aspires to write mysteries might start with an hour of writing, a day at a job they love, and then time in the evening with loved ones relaxing, talking, laughing and reading.

What currently supports you?

Take a look around you. What currently supports you to move your life toward your description of a perfect day? This can be anything from material possessions to people.

For example, the person who wants to write more and clean less might be supported by a partner who is happy to clean a little more, or a vacant space in the house might be easily converted to a writing office.

What doesn’t support you?

Taking a look at your surroundings in a different manner will help you see what’s getting in your way. A large house that needs a lot of cleaning may be something that doesn’t support the aspiring writer.

A giant car payment for the person who wants to cut back on overtime and work less is another example. A fifty dollar a week coffee shop habit for the person who is struggling to pay off debt and obtain financial freedom is a third example. You get the idea. What’s preventing you from living your perfect day?

These questions are difficult to answer and it may take you a few days, even a week or two, to answer them all as completely and honestly as possible. Once you’ve answered the questions, you can begin to start making changes to your life.

Next, let’s take a look at the concept of making room in your life so that you can live well with what you have.

Making Room

Making room is often about decluttering. You may have a house full of stuff and if you look at those belongings honestly, you may realize that they don’t serve you. They don’t make you happy. They don’t solve any problems and they may actually create problems for you.

Clutter is actually stressful, so let’s talk about how you can begin to get rid of what’s getting in your way.

Start Slowly

It’s tempting to just rent a dumpster and start getting rid of your stuff. And if that’s really what you want to do, okay. However, a better approach is to systematically go through your home room by room. Take time to consider whether something supports you or whether it’s time to get rid of it.

The reason to start slowly is that often when people purge their home in a weekend, they get rid of things that they later need to replace. That’s a waste of your time and money.

Room by Room

Go through your home room by room. If you’re feeling ambitious then start in your most cluttered room. It might be your kitchen or your bedroom.

The Four Pile Approach

Many organization experts recommend making four piles. They are: Keep, Donate, Toss, and Sell. The items you keep are the items that you love, that support you to live your perfect life, and that you know you’ll be using and loving years from now.

Donate items that are in good condition. Toss the broken stuff and the stuff that you know people won’t really want. Sell the items that you can get good money for. Consider holding a yard sale or listing the items on an auction site.

The 10-10-10 Approach

Another approach is to try to donate, sell, and toss ten items each week. Or you can strive to get rid of one thing each day. The approach you take depends largely on your current clutter and your needs.

Create Systems

Once you’ve decluttered, it’s important to make sure that there is an organized space for everything that remains. This means making sure your closets, pantry, and other storage areas are organized and that they support you.

You might wonder why decluttering is so important. Essentially, it gives you a clean slate. It allows you to get rid of the things that are not supporting you to live your best life and it forces you to truly prioritize on the things that you want and need in your life.

In the next section we’ll take a look at setting goals so that you’re able to live better with what you have.

Setting Goals and Changing Habits

After answering questions and decluttering, it’s time to begin making changes to your lifestyle – changes that help you love your life. Let’s take a look at some habits that you may want to embrace, and we’ll offer some goal-setting tips to help you get started.

Gratitude

One of the habits that will help you avoid focusing on buying new things, and instead support you to focus on loving what you have, is the gratitude habit. You can embrace gratitude in many different ways. You can start each day by thinking about all of the wonderful things you’re grateful for. You can start a gratitude journal and write in it every day. You can also start saying thanks at specific times during the day.

Replace Your Shopping Habit

How often do you find yourself shopping online? How many times do you buy something on a whim? For many, shopping is a habit and it leads to a home full of unwanted stuff. This is stuff that costs money and gets in the way of you living your ideal life.

There are several ways to become more aware of your spending habits. One of them is to simply stop shopping. Ban or block shopping sites on your computer. You can also find hobbies and activities that replace your shopping habit.

For example, instead of shopping on the weekends or surfing the net while sitting on the couch, start knitting, build a dresser, or join a local sports club. Keep busy so you’re not tempted to shop and spend.

DIY

If it’s broken, you throw it away, right? Not anymore. Instead of replacing items in your home and life that are in need of a little TLC, why not get creative and flex your skills.

DIY is a nice way to add some personality to your home, to provide you with a sense of satisfaction, and to keep items that you love in your possession. Of course, if you’re not handy, then by all means consider having the item repaired instead of throwing it away.

Finally, find and focus on your passions. Find activities and pursuits that make you feel happy and joyful. It can be anything from making homemade wine to writing travel books to building websites – and everything in between.

Living well with what you have isn’t just focused on clearing out material items; it’s also about clearing away the pursuits and tasks that don’t bring you joy. Sure, no day is without some menial tasks. However, if the bulk of your life is spent on pursuits that make you smile, then you’re living well.

Moving Forward

Once you’ve begun to envision a simpler life – one that is full of love, meaning and is defined by you as good living – then it’s time to start taking steps toward that vision. The first step is to commit to your path. If you want to live well with what you have, then you have to commit to it.

That may mean different things for different people. On a fundamental level it means not adding more clutter and distractions to your life. It may also mean making major changes to your life. For example, you might decide to downsize your home and/or move towns. Or start a new job.

Committing to changing your life is the first step, so what’s the second? It’s to start setting small goals to help you transition toward that life. Small goals might be anything, such as cleaning out your closet and only keeping clothes that you wear and love. It might mean taking a class that will help you start a new career. Start setting those goals and create a plan to follow through.

Finally, the third step is to begin living your life right now as if you’re already successful. You’ve envisioned your ideal day. You’ve made a list of the things and people that support you as well as lists about your strengths, weaknesses, and the things that don’t support you. You have a good idea about how you want to live your life.

Start living as if you’ve already achieved your goals. This is important because it causes a shift in your mindset. Instead of saying that you’re trying to live well with what you have, say that you are living well with what you have. Instead of saying that you want to write a mystery book, say that you are writing a mystery book. See the difference?

Approaching your life as if you’re already achieved your goals empowers you to actually take steps each day to make it true. When you cut down to the “essentials” and what’s most important to you in your life, you may be surprised at what it takes to make you truly happy.

Under the influence on the mind of anger, you will make the greatest speech you will ever regret. You will act out in ways that make you look like you are having a toddler’s temper tantrum. Worst of all, you might break, throw or even hit things. Or people.

Anger can make you feel powerful and in control, when in fact the opposite is true. Anger damages relationships with friends, family and colleagues.

You may say or do things you will later regret, but sometimes can’t take back because the damage has already been done.

If you are worried that your anger controls you rather than the other way around, it is time to learn anger management skills. Let’s look first at assessing where you are in terms of your temper:

Do You Have a Temper?

Your starting point in relation to anger management is to first admit whether or not you have a temper.

The problem many people have with anger is recognizing it in the first place. This many sound strange, but we all show anger in different ways – some less obvious than others. You don’t need to scream, shout or throw things to have an anger problem.

Once you admit whether or not you have a temper, you can develop strategies to get your anger under control and lead a happier life.

We have all sorts of words for anger, such as:

• Stress
• Disappointment
• Frustration
• Irritation
• Annoyance

What they really all add up to is that you have an expectation of what you WANT your life to be like, and what it IS actually like. The greater the disconnect, the greater the anger.

The anger can also be magnified by a perception that someone is “doing something to you” – either accidentally or on purpose/deliberately. This sense of being wronged can push the anger out of all proportion.

Some process anger through “flying off the handle” at the least little thing. These people are clearly candidates for anger management because they are constantly making a mountain out of a molehill.

However, those who let their anger burn slowly, until it becomes like a pressure cooker ready to blow, can often do more damage than someone who merely rants and raves regularly to blow off steam.

This is because we rarely choose our moments to be angry. One minute we are fine and the next, someone pushes a button and BOOM. Therefore, anger management is a key strategy to master if you are tired of dealing with the consequences of your anger.

So what exactly is anger management? Let’s look at this in the next section.

What is Anger Management?

Anger management is a way of dealing with any anger experienced, in a healthy rather than destructive way. Once you have admitted you have an anger issue, it is time to take steps to deal with it. It is not about blaming others, or trying to suppress your anger to the point where you become ill. It is about expressing anger in a positive way that will be honest and productive.

The first thing to learn when it comes to managing anger is that while it is a natural emotion that affects us all, we have a choice about what we do with the anger we feel. Do we really have to act out the moment we feel anger? Or can we sit back and process the feeling?

That is, determine what is angering us, why, and whether anything constructive can be done about the issue to relieve the anger. If nothing can be done, should we dwell on it, or just let it pass by like a cloud floating in the sky?

The latter may seem impossible if you constantly feel angry, but it can be done. Think about it. We experience a wide range of feelings throughout the day, such as hunger, thirst, heat, cold. There are sensible strategies for dealing with each of these: eating, drinking, turning on the AC, putting on a sweater.

We don’t get angry with our body for betraying us. We don’t dwell on our hunger or thirst for hours on end, feeling upset every time we think about it. We don’t hold a grudge for years. It is just one of many feelings that come and go in the course of a day.

It is our choice, therefore, to focus on something that makes us angry, do something about it, or let it go. If we find ourselves gritting our teeth over something that happened ages ago at work or years ago with a parent or other loved one, we are still following the feeling rather than letting it go.

Anger management can help you determine the best strategy for dealing with both past and present anger, but we have to be honest and admit we have an anger issue in the first place.

Anger management is all about taking ownership of ALL our own feelings, including anger. No one is doing anything to us. They are not “making us feel” a particular way. The feeling is within us. Once you understand the reason you are feeling anger, you are often a long way toward dealing with it productively.

Anger management can teach you techniques which can nip anger in the bud before it ever starts. Effective anger management techniques can also stop you from getting angry as often, or if you do get angry, from staying angry for very long. If you are interested in living a happier, healthier life, it’s time to learn some of the best strategies for taming your temper.

Strategies for Taming Your Temper

Discovering the anger management strategies that will work best for you personally is a process of learning and self-assessment. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. An anger management journal can help you keep track of all you learn and free you from the crippling grip of anger.

Parts of your self-assessment and reflection can be painful. Feelings and issues might arise that you have suppressed and/or do not feel ready to deal with. If this happens, note the issue or feeling but don’t let it run away with you or paralyze you.

Remember, YOU are in control of your life and emotions. Once you feel empowered in this way, it will be a great deal easier to manage all of your emotions, including anger. Here are some of the most effective strategies for anger management.

Understanding Anger

Understand that anger is not a condition, it is a process. It’s usually a symptom that your life is unbalanced. For example, if you don’t get enough sleep, skip meals, spend most of your time working, don’t exercise, and do not allot quality time to yourself, what should be only minor irritations all start to seem bigger than they are – leading to angry outbursts. You can’t run on an empty fuel tank and expect to be at your best.

Better Self-Care

Therefore, your first anger management strategy is better self-care, including:

• Scheduling a regular bedtime and sticking to it
• Eating three healthy meals a day
• Setting a reasonable work timetable
• Taking regular breaks
• Doing something healthy with those breaks, such as taking a walk, enjoying a healthy snack, etc.
• Allowing yourself time off at the weekends
• Making an appointment with yourself to exercise every day

Spotting Your Stressors

Anger management can also mean you spotting the situations or things that stress you most and learning how to handle them more skillfully. Here are a few examples:

• Don’t let people overwhelm you as soon as you get into the office or arrive home. Have a 10- to 15-minute routine to settle yourself down. Then you will be more attentive to others and less likely to feel irritated by them.
• Try to limit interruptions when you are working on something that requires concentration. Shut off the phone and email, and close the door if you can. If someone pokes their head around the cubicle and asks, “Is this a good time?” say, “Please give me X minutes to finish what I’m doing.” Give yourself a ten-minute cushion to make sure you can finish it and wind down for a minute or two before dealing with that person.
• Don’t try to be a superhero. Make a date with yourself at least once a day for 30 minutes doing something that will rejuvenate your body, mind and spirit. Consider a long soak in a tub, a trip to a spa, a walk in nature, one chapter of your favorite book, 30 minutes of online gaming, and so on.
• Master time management skills and work smarter, not harder. Less stress means less chance of losing your temper.
• Avoid procrastination – it only causes more stress and makes it more likely your emotions will get out of control.

These are just a few suggestions. Journal about areas of your life where you feel you could take better care of yourself or remove obvious stressors. Try one or two of these strategies over the next week or so and journal about what worked well.

Underlying Issues

Anger issues often point to other issues which need to be dealt with in order to achieve full physical and mental health. These can include:

• Stress
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Substance abuse, including caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, drugs (over the counter, prescription or illicit)
• Impulse control – out of control spending, eating, gambling, sex, drinking, and so on
• Fear of abandonment
• Fear of getting too close to others emotionally
• Lack of self-esteem
• Poor coping skills – thinking that anger is the only way to get what you want

Poor coping skills also makes you believe the myth that there is nothing you can do to control anger, when in fact, you have choices.

Making (Smarter) Choices

You may not feel as though you have a choice when you shout at someone or throw things, but the truth is that anger management is all about making smarter choices in relation to how you deal with emotions. Using the example of a person interrupting you at work causing you irritation, you can:

• Ignore it
• Count to ten and then deal with it
• Communicate your feelings in a respectful way, such as the request to come back and a more convenient time
• Change the situation so it is less stressful – deal with it then and there but reward yourself with a break. Stretch, exercise, go for a walk, and then pick up where you left off before the interruption.
• Or, my favorite – cuss the fucking asshole out in your mind, if nothing else

Different situations will lend themselves to some strategies more than others. People might think it weird if you just say nothing and walk away. But just being aware of your range of choices can help you cope with each bout of anger as it arises so it does not get blown out of all proportion, and you don’t seethe about a little issue for weeks afterwards.

Feel the Feeling, But Don’t Let it Take Control

Set some distance between yourself and the feeling. For example, instead of saying, “I’m angry,” change it to, “I’m feeling anger right now.” The first statement makes you identify more closely with the anger. The second statement gives you some distance and perspective. That anger is just a feeling, and it is only temporary – “right now.”

Similarly, “I’m an angry person,” or “People tell me I’m an angry person,” associates you too closely with the emotion. You can distance yourself with statements such as, “I need to learn to work on the best ways to deal with anger if it arises,” or “When I feel anger, I do not always behave well towards others. This is something I would like to work on in order to have happier relationships.”

Getting to Know Your Own Mind

Another effective anger management strategy is to get to know your own mind. What thought patterns might be contributing to your anger issue? “Mind chatter” and different assumptions can often trigger bouts of anger without your even realizing it. Examples include:

• Worrying or obsessing about things that are not within your control
• Being negative all the time
• Criticizing ourselves over the least little thing
• Imagining the worst case scenario as “real” no matter what the situation
• Holding yourself to too high a standard and then beating yourself up for being a “failure”
• Taking on too many responsibilities to the point where you are not caring for yourself

You might also find your anger is triggered by other feelings that arise, such as:

• Nervousness
• Shyness
• Embarrassment
• Vulnerability
• Feeling ill at ease in new situations

And so on. These feelings of being “less than” can trigger a “bull in a china shop” response that will just reinforce your thought-pattern that you are not good enough, bad with people, and so on.

Banish Childhood Chatter

Labels from childhood can also contribute to this. “You are so _____!” your mother or other relative tells you. Fill in the blanks:

• Angry
• Stupid
• Selfish

And so on.

Or, you might have been thrust into a role, such as:

• The man of the house
• A good daughter
• The caregiver for younger children,
• The one who will become a doctor, lawyer, etc. when they grow up

And more, even though you were only young at the time.

False Empowerment

Even the most well-meaning parent can falsely empower their child by making the child feel they are responsible for the adult. This can also happen if they praise the child to the skies all the time so they do not have a realistic assessment of how talented they really are.

They might think they are a good artist and therefore apply to art school, when they are really terrible, or think they will have a career as a singer when they can’t hit a note.

Only by getting to know yourself better through cutting through this childhood chatter and seeing patterns, can you empower yourself to lead a better life thanks to your new anger management skills.

Relentless Role-Playing

We don’t choose the roles listed above; they are often chosen for us by parents or by society as a whole. For example, most people are expected to get married, settle down, have 2.4 kids and a lovely house in the suburbs with a white picket fence.

Some people go along with this role even though they secretly long for a completely different life. They might start to feel trapped, which will only make them even more angry and unhappy.

Relentless role-playing at home or work can lead to anger, resentment, a feeling of being a fraud stuck in a (fake) life that isn’t our own, and so on. Often the only way people think they can break free is to act out or do something so drastic that their life implodes.

They might quit their job, have an affair, or even run away from home as if they were a small child. In the worst cases, they might even commit suicide due to self-anger and the longing to escape from it all.

Most people have enough sense to know that death is a rather final way of ending their endless role-playing, but it can be tough to deal with family members who make you want to scream every time you deal with them.

Many people long for “perfect” family holidays together (good luck with that), only to end up with the dinner table as a battlefield and so many hurt feelings that they might not speak to each other for months or even years afterwards.

The reason our family members can be so good at pushing our buttons is because THEY put them there in the first place. Therefore, it might not come as a surprise to find that a lot of schools are now offering courses and counseling for anger management for children.

Family and Feelings

Even if you are not under pressure to fulfill a particular role or meet everyone’s expectations, you might have grown up in a family in which expressing any feelings was strongly discouraged, especially anger. You might feel it impossible to compromise or admit you were wrong about something because in a competitive family, this could be a fate worse than death.

Growing up around angry people is more likely to create the perception that lashing out is the best coping strategy for dealing with anger. Your family environment might also instill a sense that you always have to be the strong, tough, reliable one who can never show doubt or weakness.

Is Your Anger Really Related to the Present Situation?

Once of the common sayings in counseling is, “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.” In other words, the person is not responding to a situation that has just happened. The situation has triggered a memory or deep-seated emotion which causes them to react out of all proportion to what has just happened.

Journaling about your anger and particular situations in which you felt completely out of control can often give you a clue that there is something else going on deep down which needs to be investigated.

Now that you are aware of the ways to get to your own mind, and you have some effective strategies for dealing with your anger in a proactive way, let’s look at a few other productive ways to manage anger.

Other Effective Ways to Manage Your Anger

In addition to tracking your own anger and trying to deal with it in a healthy way, there are several other methods of managing anger and stress so your emotions will not control you.

• Journaling – This is one of the best ways to get to know your own mind and master your anger.
• Laugh It Off – If you can laugh about it, it won’t seem so serious a thing to get upset about.
• Meditate – This ancient healing art helps you manage your own mind and improve concentration.
• Practice Long Deep Breathing – If we get tense, we start to breathe in short gasps. Steady your breathing consciously and see what a difference it can make to your feelings so anger won’t run away with you.
• Practice Relaxation Techniques – Meditation, breathing, yoga, biofeedback, and other techniques can all help you relax and slow your anger.
• Exercise – A workout will give you more energy and relieve stress, and less stress will usually mean less anger.
• Get Counseling – There is no shame in admitting that you could use help with some things in your life. See what is covered by your insurance.
• Seek Support – There are many online and in-person support groups to help with anger management. You can also talk out your issues with the help of a friend or family member who knows you well and the situations you have been dealing with.
• Re-Frame Your Thoughts from Negative to Positive – A change of perspective can turn around most situations completely. Instead of beating yourself up over what you don’t do well, focus on what you are good at. The more you practice, the easier this will become.
• Use Aromatherapy for Stress Relief – There are a number of essential oils such as lavender and geranium that can help relieve stress when inhaled, or used as part of a massage. Lemon is always cheering and energizing and makes the environment smell clean and fresh.
• Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude – Spend a few moments before you get up in the morning and before you fall asleep at night thinking of all the things you are grateful for you in your life. Write them down in your journal if you wish, or put them on a piece of paper to remind you if things get tough.
• Learn to Forgive – Forgiving feels good; a lot better than the tense knot of anger.
• Learn to Let Go – The more baggage you carry, the harder it is to open your arm to embrace others, and the harder it is to reach out for the things you want most in life.
• Do Right, Rather Than BE Right – Some people are so intent on being right, they will do anything to win. Follow up your good intentions with helpful actions and see what a positive, not destructive, difference this can make in your life.

Final Thoughts

Anger can have devastating effects on your personal life, career and health unless you learn how to deal with it constructively. If you struggle with anger management, use what you’ve learned in this guide and other strategies you find helpful in order to control your anger and not let it control you.

Use your journal to keep you on track. Educate yourself and get support as needed to tame your temper and live your best life – starting today.

Being personally effective requires that you are aware of the resources you have at your disposal, both personally and professionally, to reach your goals. It means that you are aware of what your strengths and weaknesses are, and how to enhance your strengths and mitigate your weaknesses so that you can achieve important goals in all aspects of your life.

There are actions you can take to enhance your personal effectiveness so that you can get even more effective in life, achieving the goals that you set by using your talents, strengths, skills, energy, and time.

To accomplish your goals and become more personally effective, it’s important that you know who you are. It means that you can be positive despite challenges, set the right goals, communicate well with others, and know how to get organized to make it all doable.

Know Yourself

This requires some measure of introspection and the ability to think about yourself in an honest way. If you can truly weigh the truth about your strengths and weaknesses and how they help or hinder your ability to stay true to your values while also reaching your goals, you’ll be able to achieve a lot more in life.

Knowing yourself offers a lot of advantages, such as:

You’ll Be Happier

When you can be who you are without worrying about what others think, you will simply feel a lot happier. It’s hard to be someone you’re not. It feels wrong, it makes people unhappy, and it will never be right. When you can express yourself better due to knowing yourself, you’ll be more likely to get what you want and achieve the goals you set – mainly because the goals will align with your values.

You’ll Experience Less Conflict

Not only will you have less inner turmoil as you make choices, but when you are acting in concert with your values and who you are, it also feels right so you don’t have to give it as much thought. Anytime your brain is remunerating on a choice, it could be because it goes against your core self and your values in life. Or, it could be because you have not accepted yourself yet.

You’ll Be Better at Making Choices

When your decisions are made based on matching your values because you know who you are, then any decision become fast and simple. It either matches your values or it doesn’t. Additionally, even smaller choices will not seem as important because if it’s not a value choice it probably isn’t that important, and you can then make a fast choice. Y

ou probably won’t spend as much time trying to get dressed each morning when you know who you are. The choice of what to wear has very little serious effect in your life, after all.

You’ll Have More Self-Control

When you know who you are, making choices about what to eat and so on, and how you react in various situations, is going to become a lot easier. Some of your values will relate to your willpower or how you want others to see you.

For example, if someone you know is a high drama person but you are a low drama person, you know to just let go of whatever it is because you’re a low drama person and they’re not. So, with them, it’ll never stop if you don’t stop it.

You’ll Avoid Peer Pressure

When you know yourself, and you have your own values and personality, you’re not as tempted by peer pressure. You’re okay to say no to one more margarita because you know that you’ll be late tomorrow if you have one more. You’re also okay with saying no to drugs, sex, or even things that are good for you that you don’t have time for right now, because you know yourself and you know you can succeed without it.

You’ll Experience More Tolerance of Others

When you accept yourself the way you are, it also becomes easier to accept others the way they are. You’ll find that agreeing to disagree becomes an acceptable outcome in any debate about anything that doesn’t harm others. You’ll also be able to better differentiate when something is serious enough to take a stand and not important enough to bother.

You’ll Have a Better Life

The fact is, when you know who you are, you’ll stop struggling with the small things and even the big things. You’ll be able to look at whether something matches your values or not, and helps you reach your goals or not. And if it doesn’t, you know what to do. When you know yourself, it’ll make your life better overall in every single aspect.

Knowing yourself and staying true to yourself helps enhance your personal effectiveness because you can match any decision you need to make, and any task you need to accomplish, to those values. You can know almost immediately if you have a conflict or not, which is going to make your life that much better and more effective.

Practice Being Positive

Having a positive attitude is a key trait to improve if you want to be more effective and reach your goals faster. Being positive helps you deal with the ups and downs of life in a better way than getting caught up and stumped by negativity.

Being positive doesn’t mean that you’re a robot and you don’t feel emotion. It just means that with practice, you can come out of down times faster and work around down times to achieve the most in your life.

• Creates More Realistic Goals – When you are in a positive mindset, setting goals becomes a lot easier to do. You’ll be able to set more clear, realistic goals that match your value system with a clear plan to achieve success too.
• Assists with Focus and Concentration – If you have a positive mindset, you’re not ruminating about what could go wrong, or what went wrong, or what’s not good enough. Instead, you’re just focusing on getting your goals met with each step that you take – without judgment.
• Enhances Your Health – Studies show that happier people are healthier people, so there has to be a correlation. It makes sense, since anxiety can raise your blood pressure and cause damage to your organs over time.
• Alleviates Stress – When you can think positively about things that are happening instead of letting the negative thoughts in, you’re going to experience a lot less stress. When your teenager is learning to drive, instead of having a nervous breakdown about the situation (which is going to happen even if you’re negative about it), you can instead focus on the positive aspects such as their growing freedom and nearing adulthood, which is exciting for them.
• Improves Relationships – No one likes being around people who are negative all the time. Therefore, it makes sense that if you’re more positive, your relationships are all going to be much better. Your partner will want to be around you, which will make you want to be around them, and the same can be said for your kids, friends, and work colleagues.
• Builds Confidence – Being positive also builds your confidence level. When you can realistically state that you’re good at doing something, and then trust that you can get it done, the confidence will show through in your words and deeds.
• Makes You Success Focused – Instead of being focused on potential disaster and failure, when you are positivity focused you’re also success focused. When you are focused on success, not much more can happen outside of success. It’s not a secret that taking forward positive action on something leads to a result that is successful.

You see the benefits of positive thinking. So how do you increase your ability to think positive in the first place? Basically, it takes practice, but you can help yourself by trying some of the following activities:

• Meditation and/or Prayer – Mediating or prayer (or both) are scientifically shown to increase positivity in people who do it, if when you do it you’re focused on either nothing or something positive. You can’t focus on the negative during your practice, or that’s what you’ll keep thinking about.
• Journal Writing – Keeping a gratitude journal instead of a diary that talks about everything good and bad can go far in training your brain to pick out the good things from your day. You don’t have to write a long story. You can simply write down three things a day that you’re grateful for, and your mind will remember the rest instantly as you write down the bullet points.
• Play More – Get outside and play. Run around with a dog, or your friends playing frisbee, or flying a kite. Doing fun things, especially outside, can enhance your happiness level exponentially. Having down time in general will too, but getting out in nature is going to help you even more.
• Surround Yourself – Find positive people, positive music, positive books, positive TV shows, and just immerse yourself in it. Fill those spaces with everything good, which will leave less space for negativity. You’re not going to change the world watching opinion news. Stay informed, but you don’t need other people’s negative opinions to do it.

When you’re more positive, you tend to focus more on the good things in life that you’re grateful for than the bad things. When you do that, you tend to attract more positive events and people into your life, which creates a cycle of happiness and success. The importance of positivity in thinking and action cannot be overstated.

Set SMART Goals

One of the most important things you can learn on your path to being more personally effective is how to set goals properly. So many people set goals, but they’re not doing it in a manner that helps them achieve results. Let’s go over how to set goals effectively.

Every goal you set should almost map out its result for you just by setting it. This is going to make achieving it so much easier. It all starts with learning to set SMART goals.

SMART is an acronym that stands for various things depending on who you talk to. But for this purpose, we’ll give SMART the following meaning.

Goal example: “Write 1000 words each day for the next 30 days between the hours of 1 pm and 3 pm to achieve 30,000 words by the end of October.”

• S. Specific – This goal describes in specifics what will be done each day for 30 days, and how.
• M. Measurable – By using 1000 and 30,000, and spelling out when the writing will happen, we’re giving a way to measure progress.
• A. Attainable – It is possible to write 1000 words each day during that time because someone will be watching the kids, all chores will be done, and the writer can typically write 450 words per 30 minutes.
• R. Relevant – This is relevant because I am writing a book that needs 30,000 words.
• T. Timely – It’s timely because it has a time limit of 30 days.

As you can see, the practice of setting SMART goals will increase the likelihood of success – if only because the process maps out the how.

If success is your plan with anything in life, from home to work, you need to get good at setting goals. Using SMART goals helps the process and makes it clear. But there are a few other factors that go into goal setting.

• Set Goals that Match Your Life Priorities – It’s important that any goals you make represent priorities you’ve identified in your life. How does the goal motivate you and advance your values and priorities? When you can answer that question you’re more likely to stick to the goal and succeed.
• Put Your Goals in Writing – Put it in writing as well as schedule it in your calendar. When you’ve written down your SMART goals, use that as the beginning of your plan. Start with the deadline and work your way back to today in the calendar scheduling, prioritizing each step of the way.
• Plan for Achieving Your Goals – When you put something in your calendar, know how you’re going to stick to it. Is there anything else in the way of that time frame? Are the kids home? Is your partner expecting something from you besides your goal? Be realistic about this so that you can overcome the obstacles that could exist.
• Don’t Give Up – A big factor in someone’s ability to achieve a goal, especially a long-term one, is the ability to persevere. Whether it’s publishing a book, losing weight, learning something new, or meeting a work deadline, the ability to stick to what you set out to do plays a huge role in whether you’ll be successful or not.

Goal setting is going to change your life. It doesn’t matter if it’s something trivial or something world changing. Setting goals, planning how you’ll reach that goal, then implementing your plan, is going to make a huge difference in how you see yourself and the world.

Improve Your Communication Skills

Being an effective communicator can make a large impact on your life and the lives of those around you. Communicating effectively enhances your productivity, improves relationships, and helps you explain your values and ideas to others. If you want to be at the top of your game, improving your communication skills should be a priority.

Three Types of Communication Skills

1. Verbal – This is when you listen to a person to understand the meaning of the speaker.
2. Written – This is when you read a message to understand the meaning of the writer.
3. Non-verbal – This is when you observe a person and infer meaning based on their body language.

If you want to become an excellent communicator, it’s important to pay attention to what you say, how you say it, as well as listen and read for meaning of the person sending the message. This can take a lot of practice as well as introspection, but you can improve.

When you do improve your communication skills, you’re going to experience a lot more success and be a lot more personally effective in life all around. This is because it’s easier to get the results you desire (or your boss desires) if you understand each other.

Learn about Non-Verbal Communication

Sometimes we are giving off information to those we are communicating with that we don’t mean. But if you become aware of how humans receive non-verbal communication signals, you can change your body language so that you are communicating better with your intended message. You can practice so that you appear more confident if you take on the right posture of someone who is confident. What’s more, you’ll feel more confident when you do it.

Become More Repetitive

If you’re the sender of the information, you need to practice repeating yourself in a way that isn’t annoying. That’s why most of the time when you write a paper or tell a speech, you will, “tell them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then wrap it up and tell them again”. Make sure all your content, whether verbal or written, follows that formula so that they take away more and understand more.

Ask for Feedback

To ensure that you’re understood, ask your audience for feedback. Ask them what they think you told them so that you can correct any miscommunications and misunderstandings right away. If you are receiving a message from someone, ensure that you understand by repeating back what you believe they told you in your own words.

Ask them if that’s right. Don’t worry about bothering people with this. It’s important for complete understanding and is the sign of a good communicator to ask questions for clarification.

Be a Good Listener

It’s amazing but the person most remembered at any event, whether family focused or business focused, is the person who demonstrated good listening skills. It’s not the person who talked a lot or the life of the party; it’s the person who showed the most compassion and understanding through listening.

Always listen to what others have to say first, get clarification and understanding with follow-up questions, and then and only then should you speak, providing thoughtful answers and information that show you listened.

If you want to improve your communication skills, start with these pointers. Being an effective communicator is a skill that can be learned. Join a Toastmaster’s Club in your area. There are also clubs on Meetup.com that are helpful. Or, start your own communication skills club so that you help each other become better communicators.

Get Organized

One sure-fire way to improve your effectiveness is to increase your organization. When you get organized, you save time, increase your earning power, and reduce stress. When you are more organized, you can be more effective in every aspect of your life. Think about the time wasted searching for things due to lack of organization. Just taking that time back alone can do wonders for your personal effectiveness.

Get Rid of Clutter

The first thing you have to do to get organized is rid your life of clutter. Part of the reason so many people have clutter is that they have too much stuff without a system to store it and use it properly. Start slowly with one room or drawer at a time (including your office). Start by getting everything out in the open, put like with like, get rid of things you never use, and then find the right tools to keep it organized so that you can easily use it.

Only Buy Purposeful Things

Now that you’ve decluttered, stop buying things that have no use and no place to live. If you already have 20 scarves, you don’t need another. Make the rule that if you bring something in, something you have has to leave – especially if you already have things that fill that purpose.

Prioritize

Outside of physical clutter, you also have mental clutter due to all the things you need to do in a day. Make a priority list of the things you have to do each day, week, month, quarterly and so forth. Put them in order of importance so that you know what’s a priority and what can be pushed down the list.

Calendarize

Get everything down that you need to do in your calendar. It doesn’t matter if it’s for work or it’s personal. If it’s lunch with your spouse or playing a board game with the kiddos, it needs to be in the calendar so that you can organize it and really know what you are doing when you take on one more thing.

If it’s all in there, from eating lunch with your best friend to buying a gift for your seven-year-old, you’ll have a true picture of your life when you look at that calendar.

Systemize and Automate

Many things you do right now can be systemized. You can preschedule birthday card and gift giving today with services, for up to a year in advance. You can make it a system (habit) to touch all your mail only once. Get the mail, then organize it into the trash or your file system for processing.

Being personally effective encompasses a large skill set, all of which can be built upon and improved. Even if you think you were born with the messy gene, you can create systems and improvements in your organization so that you can be even more effective in all aspects of your life.

Getting Started

The actions you can take to enhance your personal effectiveness are not difficult to implement. Start with the one that troubles you the most to experience the biggest change and benefit in increasing your personal effectiveness.

The five actions you can take to enhance your personal effectiveness are easy to do and straightforward. Pick one and get started on your new path today.

• Know yourself
• Practice positivity
• Get good at goal setting
• Improve your communication skills
• Get organized

Which one are you going to start with? Personal development is one of the best ways that you can learn to enhance your life and achieve all your goals. But you have to be honest with yourself about who you are, be willing to change, and understand that it’s a lifelong process.